Eight young men, clad in hi-vis vests and hands shoved sheepishly in pockets, have gormlessly blocked the way at Brewery Füchschen in Düsseldorf. Big mistake. It takes around 15 seconds for one of the pub’s waiters, kobes, as they’re known here, to offer a short, sharp rebuke. It’s the Rhineland equivalent of “mind your backs”, but less delicately put.
Stag parties getting in the way at a pub? It sounds like home, but this part of the world – taking in the Low Countries, Alsace and western Germany – is like home. There are many echoes of Britain in how things are done here, from Düsseldorf’s famous altbier, which looks and tastes like a super-charged best bitter, to the best Dutch bars, where dark wood and dry humour evoke our finest pubs. These are people like us and (for the most part) people who like us, too.
Now, Hops and Heritage – a Riverside Luxury Cruises itinerary that wends its way north through the River Rhine from Basel to Amsterdam – is offering an elegant way to explore this charismatic region. It’s effectively a journey through European beer culture and although it launches this summer (from July 29-Aug 5), I got a sneak preview last year, albeit in reverse order, starting in Amsterdam and heading south.
The fun began on a gloriously sunny Tuesday afternoon in the Dutch capital, where the cruise’s guide, English beer sommelier James Kellow, lives. We rambled across the city centre, visiting four of his favourite venues, including De Bierkoning, a bottle shop with a dizzying selection from around the world, and In De Wildeman, a classic brown café with superb beer from the Netherlands, UK, Germany and beyond.
On the shelves at De Bierkoning you’ll find everything from pale lager to wild-fermented, barrel-aged Belgian ales, but we tasted something that bridges Dutch and British drinking cultures: Kuyt, an ABV gruit-style ale made by Dutch brewery Jopen. According to Kellow, herb-flavoured gruit was popular in the Netherlands and the UK before the rise of hops in the 15th century (although the Dutch now consider it “their style”, he added). This version is an intense mouthful, offering molasses, cloves and acidity, plus a little bitterness. Unlike those original gruit ales, it also contains hops.
In De Wildeman, meanwhile, offered a smoked porter from De Kromme Haring, a brewery in Utrecht. English in style, but with a continental edge, it proved a potent, gently smoked blend of coffee and liquorice. However, it was the venue I really enjoyed. Most of the bar’s Dutch customers were outside, and the marvellously gloomy interior was as cool and somnolent as a Dorset country pub. In fact, brown cafés have a lot in common with our best pubs; at In De Wildeman, you can even get cask ale sometimes, too.
Another bar awaited in Enkhuizen, where our ship, the Riverside Debussy, arrived on Wednesday morning. Set on the Markermeer, a freshwater lake created in 1932, Enkhuizen was known as Herring Town during the Netherlands’ 17th-century golden age. Nowadays it’s a tidy little place, all cobblestones and Dutch gables, with an impressive outdoor museum (Zuiderzee) that records its former earthiness.
Some of that earthiness remains, happily. Yards from the Drommedaris, Enkhuizen’s southern gateway, is ’t Ankertje, a cosy bar with a large terrace and a hugely entertaining owner. Karin Mazereeuw started making beer in 2013 and is brimming with anecdotes, including one about Willem-Alexander, King of the Netherlands, falling at her feet while dancing in the bar in the 1990s. Her own beer is disarmingly subtle; I particularly enjoyed the witbier, with its delicate orange character.
Back on the ship, dinner awaited. That evening, Kellow hosted a six-course “beer” dinner in the Debussy’s Vintage Room. My favourite course saw braised beef cheek with celeriac and beetroot paired with a potent barley wine made by Dutch brewery De Klep, but all of it was good and a reminder of beer’s culinary qualities.
Afterwards I joined Kellow on deck. As the ship powered quietly southwards, we enjoyed a panoramic view of the river’s banks and a constantly evolving vision of the Netherlands: fields, cows, gentle hills and valleys, industrial hulks and factories, apartment blocks, all lit by a full moon. It was a delight and one I enjoyed every evening from then on.
Thursday brought us into Germany, where we docked in Wesel, a Hanseatic town that suffered at the hands of the RAF in 1945. That evening, I took one of the ship’s e-bikes for a ride along the Rhine, ending up at Biergarten Rheinpromenade, overlooking the river, which was packed with groups of friends and families. Like us, Germans head outside at the first sign of good weather, although beer, as in Britain, beer no longer holds a monopoly. Table tops were filled with white wine, fizzy water and Sprite alongside foam-topped glasses of Pilsner.
In Düsseldorf, though, altbier is still king. Friday started early with a tour of five altbier bars in the Old Town, four of them attached to breweries. The guide, Martina Kaiser, had a good line in dry humour and glottal stops, the latter, she claimed, acquired from her sister’s Yorkshire husband. Of the five, Füchschen was my favourite, although Uerige, with its blisteringly bitter beer and gruff Rhineland chat, ran a very close second.
Cologne, reached early on Saturday morning, was my final stop. Like Düsseldorf, it has a unique beer culture, revolving around kölsch, which is a pale, floral counterpoint to dark, moody altbier (although both styles, unusually in Germany, are fermented like British ales). Päffgen proved my favourite kölsch and it was best enjoyed at Lommerzheim, a charismatic bar famous for its huge pork chops and unusually good-natured kobes (although, I’ve never seen them having to deal with a stag party).
Indeed, Lommi’s, as it’s called, has the same dark-brown patina – half-wood, half-decades of cigarette smoke – that characterises many of our most interesting city pubs, and a convivial atmosphere to match. You might imagine yourself back home, but that’s true all the way down the Rhine.
Will Hawkes is the author of the Telegraph’s 500 Best Pubs in England.
Essentials
Will was a guest of Riverside Luxury Cruises, which offers an eight-day Hops and Heritage cruise along the Rhine, from Basel to Amsterdam, from £4,543 per person, departing July 29.