Getting into a new relationship following a break-up is often challenging, no matter how much time might have passed in between. Even if a relationship is a person’s first, the individual may carry baggage from other life experiences.
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As such, getting into a relationship where both partners can heal is a major positive for many in the present day and age. And taking to Instagram on July 1, therapist Jeff Guenther shared 10 questions that one can ask their partners to help them do just that. They are presented as follows.
Question 1
When we fight, what do you need from me before we’re actually okay again - not just done arguing?
To stop fighting without knowing whether both partners are completely okay with the resolution is like treating the symptom without taking care of the disease. Feelings may get bottled up this way and burst out later, hurting the healing process.
Question 2
What are you looking forward to most with me, and how do we make sure it actually happens?
Having goals, aspirations, and something to look forward to is a sign of healing. And being clear about such goals and discussing them with your partner helps you heal together.
Question 3
Are there childhood or past-relationship wounds that get triggered in us?
Triggers are different for different individuals. They can stem from childhood trauma or bad experiences in previous relationships. Knowing each other's triggers can help couples be mindful and take care of each other better.
Question 4
What’s a version of yourself you hide from me? What makes it feel safer to keep hidden?
Opening up completely to another person takes time, even when they are dating or in a relationship. Getting to know each other better and understanding why one would choose to keep a version of themselves hidden is a step forward, but it has to happen in its own time.
Question 5
When do you feel most wanted by me? And when do you feel like an afterthought?
Everyone likes to be appreciated. Knowing when one is making their partner feel that way and when they are not helps one set reasonable expectations in the relationship.
Question 6
What’s been missing in past relationships that you want to feel in this one?
Sometimes, relationships end because partners fall short of each other's expectations. While that is okay, knowing what a person might have missed in past relationships can help tick off bucket lists in the present and make the relationship grow stronger.
Question 7
What does it look like when you’re hurting and not telling me? How do I usually miss it?
Not every individual is vocal about their feelings. Knowing the subtle signs of them hurting can help one take care of their partner better and help in the healing process.
Question 8
When you’ve checked out of relationships before, what did that look like? How will I know if it starts happening with us?
Sometimes, couples check out of relationships, and a breakup follows much later. Knowing when one or both partners might have mentally checked out is helpful in both trying to save the relationship or calling it quits, as the case may be.
Question 9
What’s something I do that you love but have never said out loud?
Appreciating the little things and telling one’s partner about it can lift the mood and strengthen the relationship.
Question 10
What would make bedroom activities feel better, that you’ve been a little scared or nervous to ask for?
Intimacy is often a significant part of a relationship, and is almost always aided by honesty. Being free from fear or inhibitions can help couples appreciate each other better and provide a safer space for themselves to explore.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
Jeff Guenther is a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, Oregon. He has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy from the University of Southern California and a bachelor's degree in child and family development from San Diego State University.